End of Days

To love means to give someone the power to destroy you and to trust that they will not. ~unknown~

“I love you,” she said slowly, evenly, as though she were reciting poetry instead of uttering a statement of faith.  “Even when you destroy me, I love you. I love you when you break my heart. When you walk away before I’ve had my say, I love you. When you forget about my heart and how you hold it and then squeeze so hard I am cut down in agony? I love you even then. Your words tear us apart and build a wall of distrust between us when we should and deserve to be at peace with each other. But I love you, despite the wall you build – and I am angry because we do not deserve that wall. I love you when I am angry, and I am angry because I love you. “

He stared back, his mouth moving convulsively but silently. His hands clenched at his side. He slumped back against the wall, crossed his arms in front of him, closed his eyes.

She thought she had lost him, then, and she sank down to the floor and wrapped her arms around her knees. They would continue to co-exist, but her heart would slowly freeze and die, from heartbreak after heartbreak. They had been too long together, too close, and life apart from him was unimaginable. She was losing more than her spouse, she was losing her best friend, too.

“I can’t promise,” he finally said in a low voice, “That I will never say something hurtful to you. I just can’t. There will come a day when I do, despite my love for you. You know that.”

Her heart slowed painfully, then thudded heavily against its cage. “I know,” she whispered. “I know.”

“So what then? Pretend everything is okay?”

“I don’t know,” she whispered. “I just don’t know.”

Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end. ~ John Lennon ~


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